Words.
I spend my days with words. I wake up with hip hop, I have podcasts lull me to sleep, right now I have the privilege of hearing iambic pentameter for a large percentage of my waking hours, voiced prayers and internal conversations with myself, and on top of that I'm constantly filling notebooks with sloppy, crazy-person penmanship with musings, quotes,ideas, outlines, lists, poems, odes, treatises, manifestos- I could go on. Let's just say if I ever run out of paper, I'm pretty sure my home would look like the set of A Beautiful Mind.
I love writing them, I love speaking them, hearing them, thinking of ways to weave them together in meaningful arrangements, learning new ones, reading them, sharing my own and those of others that speak to me on a deep level, and discovering men and women whose words shift my foundations and make me think, act, and encounter the world in a different way.
I am so happy that I was hooked on phonics.
With that being said, it should come as no surprise that when I discovered the deeper meaning behind a word that I have been encountering since I was little Jess, it's been consuming my thoughts.
That word is courage.
A few days ago, while I was enjoying my early evening fiber-rich dinner and listening to a TED Talk- I am the oldest young woman in town, I'm waiting on my AARP membership card to be delivered any day now- the speaker Brené Brown in her talk "The Power of Vulnerability" broke down the word for her audience, stating that it derives "from the Latin coeur, or heart, [meaning] to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart."
I picked up my face and listened to that part over and over again; the act of fully, honestly, and openly being who you are is a courageous one. The actions we undertake as a result are courageous ones.
Courage demands that we go fully toward what we want, despite all the factors that tell us to aim lower, to stop in our tracks, to protect ourselves from being let down, all the voices (internal and external) that remind us of our imperfections and shortcomings, the voices that make the obstacles seem insurmountable.
Courage demands that we believe we are worthy beings. Courage requires an understanding that yes, I am imperfect, and flawed, and may fail at this but that in no way means that I don't deserve to strive with all I got in me toward the thing my heart wants me to do.
Courage says to the world that you're crazy enough to risk the leap but not foolish enough to never even attempt flying.
Courage says that your love is bigger than your fears.
I'm working on letting my guards down in wild pursuit of my goals and dreams, which sometimes feels like I'm playing Frogger with my emotional well-being, but that's okay, and saying with all of my being that this is who I am, this is what I want, and I will do whatever I can to get it.
I know that with every headshot and résumé printed, with every audition and interview, that there are no guarantees, just hope and timing and tenacity and training and hard lessons and mistakes and thick skin and tears and optimism and prayer that it will work out if I keep holding on, and more prayer for the courage to keep holding on.
I'm Jessica Dean Turner. I'm an actress, and a writer, and perhaps certifiably insane, but I'm not a coward.
Lastly...
I'm launching another project in the coming weeks. A risk, but one I feel like is worth the taking.
Bonus!
Here's the link to Brené Brown's TED profile. Beautiful.
http://www.ted.com/speakers/brene_brown.html
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